Explanations
by ReversedSam
Summary: Sara has some explaining to do. Femmeslash, don't read if it ain't your thing. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers: They're not mine, but I promise I'll have them back by  
midnight.**

A/N: All mistakes and British spellings are mine.

**Explanations**

* * *

"For Christ's sake Sara do you have to be so damn stubborn? Things can't always be done your way." Catherine yells at me as she paces up and down the layout room. 

I should be angry, she's talking to me as if I'm a child, but all I can do is wonder if her bitching at me should be this much of a turn on.

"Have you ever heard of doing things the easy way?"

She is so damn hot when she's angry. She's just hot, all the damn time.

"Or maybe even compromising?"

Scratch that. Hot doesn't even begin to cover it. Sexy as fucking hell.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Her question somehow manages to get through the Catherine induced haze currently filling my head and I realise she actually wants an answer. "Of course I'm listening to you. I just figured I'd let you get it out of your system before answering." Well, that and I was far too busy imagining you naked, and because of that I don't actually remember what you're shouting about.

"God you are so infuriating."

Why oh why do I have to be attracted to her? I'm supposed to be intelligent aren't I? Yeah well, tell that to my hormones, evil, treacherous little things, I think they enjoy making my life hell.

"I don't want to deal with you right now. I'm going for a break."

Looking at her ass as she's storming off is bad Sidle, very bad.

Get it together here Sara. Okay so I want Catherine, in the worst possible way, never going to happen so it would help if I stopped checking her out every chance I get. I'm only torturing myself.

"Aagghh." I scream into the now empty room as I bury my head in my hands.

I think I may have officially gone insane. What the hell am I meant to do about this? I can't control my feelings when I'm around her. The burning that starts in my stomach whenever I see her, the electric shocks she seems to send running through my body whenever she touches me or brushes past me. I truly don't think I've ever been this attracted to anyone; I actually physically ache for her.

It's stupid; I'm a grown woman for God's sake. I'm meant to be long past the butterflies, sweaty palms, stammering and swooning but nope, not me. All of the above, and more whenever I'm confronted with Catherine Willows.

I know I'm going to snap soon; tell her exactly how I feel. I just hope she doesn't have her gun when I do.

"Okay so I decided I didn't want a break, we have a case to solve here so you're just going to have to deal with it." Catherine announces as she storms back in.

"Me deal with it? It was you who stormed off and now I think of it, I don't even know what it was we were arguing about, no, correction, what you were yelling at me about."

Probably because I was too busy wondering what she sounds like when she's moaning. I wonder if she's a screamer.

"I knew you weren't listening to me." Catherine declares as she throws her hands up in the air. "Why do I bother?"

Oh how I'd love to silence her with a kiss. I bet that would shock her, shut her up for a few minutes. Oh for crying out loud, Can't I go five minutes?

"I have no idea. Why do you bother?" I have to admit, I'm getting just as sick of this as she seems to be. I think I'll ask Grissom not to put us on the same case any more. I hate upsetting her but I can't let myself get close.

"You know what, fuck it. I'm sick to death of dealing with this."

"What 'this' are you talking about Catherine?"

"This arguing thing we do. I have no idea why we're like this, why you act so differently with me, you get on fine with everyone else but me, you seem to do everything you can to piss me off, to push me away."

That's because I'm not head over heals in love with anybody else. I don't have to fight the urge to kiss anybody else.

She looks genuinely upset. I hate seeing that look on her, especially when I'm the cause of it. I'm an ass.

"If I've done something to upset you, I'm sorry, I truly am but I'm not dealing with this any more. When you decide to tell me what the fuck it is that makes you act like such a jerk with me, and don't you dare give me that shocked look, you know I'm right."

Okay she is right, but I reserve the right to look shocked anyway.

"When you decide to give me a clue, come find me, maybe we can have an adult conversation, until then; just stay the hell away from me."

I bury my head in my hands again and try to think of something, anything to make this better.

Why am I feeling angry? She's the one I've been acting like a jerk with. I have no right to be angry.

Why the hell not? I'm angry because she isn't the only one suffering; she has no idea how hard it is for me to be around her. Well Catherine, you want an explanation? You are damn well about to get one.

It's possible I'm about to commit career suicide, but right now, I don't care, my sanity is more important.

I storm out of the layout room and practically stomp around the lab in search of her. It's impossible for me to work with her anyway, so why not just totally fuck it up.

I find her in the locker room. Thankfully she's alone, I'm not sure I could hold this in any more, no matter who was with her.

"So you want an explanation?" I ask as soon as she looks up at me. I don't feel as nervous as I assumed I would. I'm relieved to be finally getting this out. "I guarantee you will not like what you hear." I warn her.

"Well it's not as though things can get any worse between us, now is it?" She replies as she stands up.

I think I'm about to prove her wrong there.

"Why do we argue all the time Sara? Why do you always pick a fight with me?" She asks.

Okay Sara, no turning back now. I take a deep breath before replying. "Because you are so fucking sexy when you're angry."

Wow, I don't think I've ever seen her look so shocked.

"Because it turns me on when you're angry with me, all that passion directed solely at me..."

"What the..."

"No, you wanted an explanation; I'm giving you it, so just shut the hell up and listen for once."

I'm fully expecting her to start yelling but she doesn't. I falter for a second, shocked myself as she shuts up and waits for me to continue.

"I'm such a jerk with you because I want you so much. I can barely breathe when I'm around you, and because of that I can't stand being around you. I can't concentrate on work when we're on a case together. So I have to be a jerk, I have to distance myself or I'll make mistakes, and you know as well as I do that we can't afford to do that."

She remains silent but takes a step back as I walk a little closer to her.

"When we were working before, I couldn't concentrate on the evidence. Do you know what I was thinking about?"

I wait for her to answer but she just shakes her head. The look of utter shock is still there. Not that I was expecting anything else.

"I was fantasizing about you, thinking about how your legs would feel wrapped around me as I slowly take you." I actually have to fight the groan threatening to escape as a wave of arousal washes over me at the thought.

She gasps in shock at my admission and walks backward until her back is against the locker.

"I was wondering what you'd feel like naked, beneath me, arching into me, moaning my name. I was wondering if you're a moaner, or if you scream when you climax, I want to hear you moaning so much."

I can't seem to stop talking now I've started. It feels so fantastic to finally be telling her how I feel.

"I can't count the amount of times I've woken up from dreams of you only to find myself alone. God the things we've done in my dreams Catherine."

Okay so I know it'll end badly, and I probably shouldn't be being this graphic. But at least I'll have gotten it out of my system; at least she'll know I wasn't just being a bitch for the sake of it.

"So tell me Catherine, how am I meant to work with you when I'm thinking like that? How am I meant to concentrate when you fill my every thought? If you have any suggestions I'd be happy to hear them because I'm out of ideas."

I walk over so I'm directly in front of her. I thought she might have been frightened by my sudden movement but she just looks curious, and shocked.

I grab her hand and place it over my heart, holding it there; it's currently trying to beat its way out of my chest so she must be able to feel it.

"Do you feel that?"

I wait until she nods.

"That's because of you, because I'm so close to you, I can feel the heat spreading through my body just because you're touching me. I can't describe how much I want to kiss you right now."

I let go of her hand but she leaves it where it is. I think she's still too shocked to move. I know that isn't going to last, she's going to recover any minute so I best hurry this up.

"But don't think this is just lust. That all I want is to get into your pants, a quick fuck and that's all, because you'd be very much mistaken. I want to take you on dates, hold your hand and buy you flowers. I dream of waking up in your arms. I'm head over heals in love with you Catherine and I want it all."

I have no idea what possesses me to do so but I lean in and capture her lips with mine. I know I've just seriously crossed the line. I pull back before she even has time to react and take a few steps back from her.

"So there's your explanation. Maybe now you'll understand why I can't get close to you. I'm sorry for being a bitch, I really am, but it's the only way I can be."

I turn and walk out of the locker room and don't stop until I get into my car. Shift isn't over for an hour but I have no intention of being around when she gets over the shock. As good as it felt to get all that out I can't help feeling sad that I've just ruined any chance at all we may have had at friendship.

* * *

** Thanks for reading.**

**Feedback is gratefully received. **


	2. Chapter 2

I slump down onto the sofa once I get home. I can't believe I just told Catherine how I feel about her. Not just how I feel, I gave graphic examples of said feelings then kissed

I must have gone mad, that's all I can think. I'll plead temporary insanity tomorrow when Grissom calls me into his office to fire me.

What if she doesn't tell Grissom? What if she decides to just make my life hell? Well she's been doing that for months now anyway, albeit unknowingly.

I can't go into work tomorrow, or ever again for that matter. I can never look Catherine in the face again.

I can still see the look or pure shock on her face as I spoke. I bet that was the last thing she was expecting to hear from me.

I'd hate to have been the first person to get in her way after I left the locker room. Why couldn't I have fallen for Greg? Oh how simple my life would be then.

I'm dragged from my thoughts by a knock at the door.

I check who it is and I feel my heart sink when I see Catherine. Oh shit. Why the hell did I come home? Why didn't I immediately move to Australia? Where the hell is the confidence I felt before gone?

That's okay; I just won't open the door. She doesn't know I'm here.

"Don't be so stupid as to pretend you're not in there Sara. I don't mind though, I'm just as happy to do this through the door." She says, sounding far to calm for my liking.

Okay, so I don't want the world hearing this. I open the door to see Catherine with what can only be described as a smug look on her face.

I bet she wants an apology. Well she's not getting one from me.

"I'm not apologizing." I tell her as she walks in and closes the door behind herself.

"Good job I didn't come here for an apology then isn't it." She replies as she turns to face me.

I don't even attempt to go into my apartment, although when she advances on me and I feel the wall on my back after just two steps I start wishing I had.

"For someone with such intelligence you act really stupid sometimes." She tells me.

She still looks smug and I have to say; it's scaring the shit out of me. I expected yelling, maybe even a slap, but this? I'd go so far as to say she's amused.

"That was not a smart move Sidle." She informs me.

"What wasn't?" I've done many things today that fall into the 'stupid move' category.

"Pissing me off."

"Which part pissed you off?"

"The part where you told me to shut up, professed your undying love for me, told me in vivid detail a few of the things you'd like to do to me, kissed me, then had the audacity to leave."

"Right, so basically everything." I say, suddenly finding the floor very interesting.

"Oh yeah, but your not apologizing right?"

"Right." I reply, wondering why the hell I said that, not that I'm going to take it back.

"Seeing as I had to, how did you put it? Shut up for once and listen, can I assume you'll extend me the same courtesy?"

"I guess so." Damn why didn't I go into the living room. Then I would be trapped against the wall a few feet away from Catherine.

"You guess? I would think after your earlier outburst that you would owe me that at least. After all, you didn't even stick around for my reaction."

"Okay, yes, I'll shut up and listen."

I watch as the amused look returns to her face. What the hell have I just let myself in for?

"I have a few questions that you're going to answer, okay?"

I nod in reply, wondering why the hell I opened my door. So the neighbours would have heard, but at least I wouldn't have had to go through this. I decide to just answer her questions, the quicker I do the quicker this will be over with.

"How long?"

"I can't pinpoint exactly, months, years even."

She just nods at my answer. Her expression is giving nothing of how she feels away and I can feel my nerves increase by the second.

"Why tell me now?"

"You wanted an explanation; I wanted you to know I wasn't being a bitch for the sake of it."

"Why then? Why at work? It couldn't have waited?"

"Apparently not. I'd have lost my nerve had I waited."

Okay. Wasn't expecting her to laugh there.

"I bet you're wishing right about now that you'd done just that aren't you?"

"That obvious?"

"The deer in the headlights look is giving it away. That and you seem to be having real trouble with eye contact."

"Can I take back the part when I said I'm not apologizing?"

She laughs again before replying. "Depends."

"On?"

"Would you mean it? Are you sorry you said it? Finally got it out in the open?"

"No."

"Then there would be little point in apologizing."

"True."

"Why leave? That's a lot to take in, why not at least wait around to hear my reaction."

"I was scared."

"Just like you are now?" She says with a smile.

"Oh yeah." Damn her for being right.

She takes a few steps towards me until she's so close I can feel her body heat. I close my eyes and fight hard against my body's reaction to her, when I open them a few minutes later I see her studying my face, watching my reactions. What the fuck is she doing? Yes I might deserve it, payback is after all a bitch, but I'll be damned if I'll put up with this.

"What are you playing at Catherine?" I ask.

"I'm not playing at anything Sara."

I feel myself getting angry again, she needs to just get to her point. "Then why aren't you yelling at me? God knows I deserve it."

"How did you put it? Because I'm so fucking sexy when I'm angry. Figured you would want to do this without the distraction."

Oh god can I just die now. "And this isn't a distraction?" I say, gesturing to her body, inches from mine.

"This distracts you?" She asks as she closes the distance between us, pressing her body into mine, pinning me to the wall. Oh god.

"I have no idea what you want from me Catherine. So can we just get this over with?" I turn my face away from her as I speak, if I don't I know I'll have to kiss her.

"As I said, I want you to answer some questions."

"Well ask them then get the hell out." I tell her, getting angrier as she continues whatever game it is she's playing.

"Okay. What do you feel right now Sara?" She asks as she brings her hands up to my hips.

I don't reply. I'm not sure I could find my voice.

"Answer me." She demands.

"Angry." Okay so I feel angry as well as a million other things right now.

"Damn woman, you are far too stubborn." She says shaking her head. "You see Sara." She says, lowering her voice as she leans in to husk into my ear.

"Had you stuck around, you would have found out how I reacted to your admission, to hearing about your fantasies. Do you want me to tell you now?"

I still don't reply. All I know right now is feeling her so close is amazing.

"I guess not." She says as she starts to pull back.

"No. Tell me." I say, grabbing her arms and keeping her in place. I'm enjoying her closeness far too much.

She chuckles before bringing her hands back to my hips.

I can hear my heart beating as she pauses before continuing.

"Tell me again what you were thinking about in the layout room."

"Catherine?"

"Tell me Sara." She demands.

I still have no idea where she is going here, but every part of me is saying 'do as she says, see what happens. Besides I have nothing to lose, I have no choice but to follow the tiny glimmer of hope her actions are giving me.

"I was wondering how." Okay this is harder than I thought. "How your legs would feel wrapped around me." I manage to croak out, my throat suddenly very dry.

"As you?" Oh god she wants the whole thing.

"As I...As I take you."

As I speak the words I hear Catherine moan right into my ear and feel a tiny shudder run through her body. Oh. My. God.

"God Sara. It's a good job you left when you did. I'd have ended up fucking you right there in the locker room otherwise."

Okay so now it's my turn to be shocked and I am sure as hell speechless. Helpless to fight the huge wave of arousal she has just sent washing over me. I know she felt the shudder run through my body then.

"Had you waited around I could have told you about my fantasies." As she speaks she pushes a leg between mine and slowly rocks her thigh against my overheated centre.

"Oh fuck, Catherine." I whimper.

"You tied to my bed, begging for my touch." Her voice cracks as she's speaking. "I want to taste you so much."

"Uh." Is all I manage as she thrusts against me once more. I can not believe this is happening.

Any words she has are cut off as I turn my head and kiss her. Groaning into her mouth as our tongues move against each other, god this is far better than any fantasy.

'Oh wow' is the only coherent thought I can come up with until she pulls back.

"So maybe Sara, if you're a very good girl, you won't have to fantasize for much longer."

I groan again at her words and lean back in for another kiss.

"Ah ah." She says as she steps back so she's a few feet away from me. I miss the heat of her immediately. "Save that for later." She says. "For now, I want that date you were talking about." She smirks.

I can't help but return her smile.

"You can pick me up at eight okay?" She says as she opens the front door.

I don't care that tonight isn't my night off. It is now. "Okay."

"Oh and Sara."

"Yeah."

"Don't forget the flowers."

And with that she's gone, leaving me with a million emotions, a date to plan and a huge smile on my face.

* * *

** Thanks for reading.**

**Reviews are gratefully received.**


End file.
